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Can I just skip this part? It's gonna be boring. This blog a bit floaty, never fixed and rarely stable. Hope you will enjoy it at least once. HAHA nvm. I heal, I raid, I grind, I QUIT, and the history? It's gonna repeat itself.

I'm Not Afraid Of Death

But I am afraid of dying without kissing my lover goodbye.

I am afraid of leaving things unfinished - an unpublished novel, a country I wanted to visit but didn't, a dream unfulfilled.

I am afraid of thinking that I have plenty of time left when I might not, and wasting it on useless things. Who will care that I made amazing grades if no one remembers me in the first place?

I am afraid of not being missed, on that note. It's inevitable that some won't care, but that doesn't make the thought more pleasant.

I am afraid of not being able to fight it, being helpless to do anything at all. A crash (rather than an illness), that'd be the worst.

I am afraid of leaving someone that needs me behind. What if they're all alone?

I am afraid of pain, maybe so bad that it will make me want to die, going against every ounce of survival instinct within me.

I am afraid of being afraid of all these things. Just the thought of having that awful adrenaline rush fill me is sometimes enough to set it off.

So I'm not afraid of death, of no longer being alive. But I am afraid of dying, that transition stage between life and death.

Just a sleepless night's thoughts.

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